Charismatic

My mother used to tell me that when I was a child (especially when I was a baby), I was charismatic.

She said it was like people couldn't help themselves but to be drawn to me and I would reward them with a soft easy smile that would draw them in even more.

I can remember being in 5th grade and that charisma eased a transition between school districts.

It has served me well in many facets of my life... Making friends with strangers, sharing a laugh and a kind word.

However, some days, I feel like maybe it's like a shiny penny that just isn't that shiny any more...  like I've lost my shiny charisma...

Some days I find myself drawing inward.  I can almost feel myself sucking that easy-going aura out of the room into a dark, lonely place that no one wants to be around.

I fight it though. 
I fight the dull.
I fight for the shiny... and the easy-going... and the drawing others in... because I know it's in me... its part of me.
I just have to remind myself ... I'm Charismatic

The Dance of Insomnia

Another late night where sleep eludes me...
...Nothing but the humming, humming of the appliances.
Wishing, wanting that hum to lull me to sleep.

But no.

Instead my brain reels... Planning for another day.
Fixated on things that cannot be done or undone in these late hours.

I wait...
Wait out these thoughts... while the ringing in my ears grows louder and louder because it's JUST. SO. QUIET... I can't even hear myself think!

Hours pass by... and slowly, so very slowly, a dance begins between the humming and the ringing.
... This dance soothes my thoughts into nothingness. 
Allowing the elusive sleep to waft in and join me.